Life is like a roller coaster

At one point, I thought is over and everything back to normal. Wait! Did I make myself clear? I'm actually not. It is all one sided feeling. The moment he chose to become friends, my heart is broken. I have had a bad mood ever since but trying so hard to balance it by thinking something else. Since that's what he wants, as a normal friends I think concerning about each other and talking to each other will not bring any harm. Maybe is all about me. For his part, he still need time to adjust all the problems that I've created to him and arguments which leads to the end of a good relationship/friendship.

I thought he is okay but suddenly I felt it is the other way round. He has been cold to me ever since but I am nobody to question about it. I accept everything with open arms and just treat it as part of life experience. Sometimes I doubt whether he actually force himself to befriend with me and feels reluctant to talk whenever I ask him anything. He has his own life and I cannot force him to change. But the bad feeling is haunted me every seconds with his move. Maybe is time to stop it for a while and let both parties to calm down. I wish it helps. I really do.

I really want to meet him up again for the last time before I'm leaving to UK. At this moment, I don't think so. Why should I meet someone that treated me in such way? As a normal human being, it is fair enough to ask for a fair treatment but all he did was just hurt me deeper. I had enough with all these. The ups and downs make me feel like I'm riding a roller coaster heading to no way. It is so scary and make me insane! The more he choose to avoid, the deeper he hurts me. Maybe we are from a different world and what he wants will never be fulfilled by a human being like me. I'm the most misunderstood person ever been created.

In the meantime, I really need help but I don't think there is anybody that could help me up. No even doctors. The only cure is time. And I need to cure and heal all the wounds that I've made on myself. I have phobia to actually get involved in any relationship and it should be a nightmare that will going to haunt me for a period of time.